And to all a good night

My last post of the year.

2024 has officially started to make her way out, and I’m ready to help her pack her bags.

The fact that it’s 2025 is extremely confusing and also relieving to me. I feel forever stuck in like, 2019. I’m exhausted. I’ve spent the last month learning a lot about myself, getting to know this gal really for the very first time. When life is moving at the speed of light, it’s hard to take a breath and understand what’s going on, until your body finally forces you to.

I get increased anxiety as the years change. January feels so intimidating to me—it’s dark, cold, and ominous. It’s sprinkled with some birthdays of loved ones to brighten things up, and I also can recognize that shifting my perspective towards the traditional one, which is that it represents new beginnings, would be more helpful than existential dread and unnecessary pressure.

As I get older, years become so much more convoluted. There’s trips taken and people met, jobs are had and households are moved, and as I mentioned above, I feel like everything is moving a hundred miles per hour around me. Something that has always grounded me, however, is this blog.

I love writing to you all so much. It’s the best part of my week, and 2024 was a really special one for me in terms of Substack. This community has grown so much, and I feel so lucky to be a small part of it. I love logging on every day and endlessly scrolling, discovering new writers and connecting deeper with my favorite ones. A lot of you don’t even participate in the greater Substack culture and are just here for me, which means the world. To know that some of your dearest friends and strangers alike genuinely enjoy your random stream of consciousness is something I cherish.

Good vibes from this year.

For the New Year, I have all of the same goals as I do every year. Be healthier. Work out more. Write more. Be kinder. Give back. Spend less time on my phone. Travel. These are boring because everyone shares these resolutions. A very real and perhaps unique goal of mine is to be less hard on myself. I tried doing that by letting go of my routine, doing things like skipping the gym or last-minute cancelling on a workout class because I had a long day, not making my bed on a Saturday because I can, or Ubering to work instead of taking the subway. All of those things are fine to do, but I ended up completely lost and not feeling like myself, which was the opposite of what I wanted from doing these things. I had this idea that “touching the stove” would make me feel alive and stress free. I thought my life would feel a little bit more exciting or luxurious, when really it felt directionless.

You may think I’m being dramatic. Really, Olivia? A Toyota Camry instead of the L caused you strife? I’m being the most serious I’ve ever been when I say, yes. Losing my little rituals of walking down Avenue A, straining the pasta, heart pounding on the Stair Master at 7 a.m., it all caused me to feel lost, lazy, tired, and bored. What did I do when I replaced all of my good habits with bad ones? I thought, and thought, and thought. In 2025 I want to fall back in love with my little rituals, and simply have compassion for my feelings. I don’t need to judge myself for being anxious, or guilty for being excited about something trivial. These are important lessons that this year gifted me with.

This seems like a good time to go over all of the things I loved about this year. Early on in March, I was able to go to Paris for the first time, and spend some time with my sister in her study abroad city of choice, London. Paris swiftly became one of my favorite places on the planet, and I would love to return every 90 days. I spent quality time with dear friends, in apartments, crowded bars, sceney restaurants, and on trips to Oregon and Chicago. I went upstate with my family and slept in a little cabin. I loved the Knicks a lot. I spent hours that must add up to days on Pinterest, The Real Real, Substack, and Instagram. I finally deleted TikTok (3 days strong). I got back into reading, arranging flowers, hot green tea, and pedicures. I finally watched Gossip Girl for the first time. I had a lovely birthday. I cried a lot (on the birthday but in general, too). I walked a lot. All in all, a pretty good year.

I’m not sure what next year holds for me, but I’m excited to find out. I’ll be rambling a lot on here as I normally do, so you all have that to look forward to. Thank you for making this year of mine so great.