CBK or Jackie-Faux?
Everyone thinks they're a Kennedy.
The biopic to tertiary acquaintances begging for relevancy on the internet pipeline is an interesting one. If Ryan Murphy produced it, even more so.
Girls who worked three floors above Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy at the Calvin Klein offices, men’s magazines, and thrice-removed fourth-cousins who have never even seen the driveway of the Hyannis-port compound alike are jumping at the first chance to sink their teeth into 15 seconds of fame on TikTok, Instagram, and right here on Substack. I didn’t know her but—, I was born after he died but—, I heard once—
I was scrolling on Reels the other night when I saw one of the Acquired Style Twins declare that her previous CBK-inspired post had garnered media attention for being so horrible. I had to look for myself, and now you all do too:
To be honest, it’s not that bad. People said “she” would never wear her hair like that, exhibit A, straight from the pages of my copy of Once Upon A Time that sits on my coffee table:
People said she would never wear a flared leg. Exhibit B:
The logomania Dior slingbacks are for sure an issue, I will admit. But Danielle swiftly course corrected, posted about it, and continued the never-ending cycle of CBK JFK Jr. obsession.
I can’t think of a single other celebrity that people with no relation whatsoever make up so many rules for. The gatekeeping aspect of this phenomenon is insane—she was one of the most referenced people before this new series came out (literally the entire basis of things like The Row), and she will continue to be long after. She’s the reason there even is a show. No one makes shows about niche fashion icons, and no one cares that much about JFK Jr. All we know is that he was hot, rollerbladed, and loved silly little hats. If he married someone of the Kennedy ilk, someone brunette and Irish from Princeton, there would be no Hulu series. What we know about Carolyn, how complex she was, the way her mind worked, the way she moved, that fuels our fascination.
The quietest people are always the ones we want to hear from the most. The Carole Radziwill erasure from Love Story and the conversation ensuing after is beyond comprehension. Kelly Klein has been sticking to posting ominous Instagram slideshows. Jack Schlossberg is being shady in the comment section (as he should!). Instead, we’ve got armchair fashion experts and friends-of-friends-of-friends-of shoving stories full of nothing down our throats.
All of this to say, everyone needs to take a deep breath (myself included). It’s simply not that serious. The hair stylist got Sarah Pigeon’s blonde wrong on the first day of principle photography, and the internet had a meltdown. We are at war, people. Pull it together.
I’ve been really enjoying the series, particularly the most recent episode that depicted the couple’s infamous public spat.
It’s eerie how similar the two of them look like the real deal. I’m having so much fun watching, I don’t even care that Bubby’s or The Odeon are going to be even more impossible to get into after being featured. It’s all around so fierce to look at, the styling, their faces, the aesthetics. I’ve been a Kennedyphile ever since I was a little girl, so anything that involves them, I’m sure to enjoy.
I asked my friend Caden—my go-to for a quick and clever saying—to come up with a way to sum up how I’m feeling. I leave you all with that.
IJBOL nation