Coffee Order live from the Grammys

But actually my couch.

As the late great Moira Rose portrayed by Catherine O’Hara once said:

And what better way to pay tribute to her than to continue our Awards Season coverage with the Grammys.

The Grammys are like the slutty cousin of pop-culture red carpets. She brings a joint to Thanksgiving and taught you what a thong was. But that doesn’t mean you should take her less seriously. She’s just as integral to this family ecosystem as anyone. Famously, celebrities take a cheekier approach to dressing, whether it’s arriving in an egg:

Or serving Venus:

Or serving nothing at all:

It’s a lot less polished than the Academy Awards, a lot less chic than the Golden Globes, and a lot less New York than the MET Gala. It’s truly a place to experiment and let go of any rules.

In recent Coffee Order awards season form, I’ve asked one of my best friends and industry expert to serve as our exclusive Grammys correspondent. Tonight, we spoke to Caden Reese, another one of my college friends who has surpassed typical post-grad success and works in the music industry with both A-List and emerging talent. My friend group and I often say “Caden Reese is the music industry” which is not a joke. He has had the best takes since the day I met him and this interview is actually incredible so I feel terribly lucky. It should be behind a paywall but whatever. Thank you Caden ❤️

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Okay wow, let me start by saying I feel so honored. Coffee Order means so much to me and it keeps me warm on my coldest mornings. As I’m currently writing this I’m unaware what context my dearest friend Olivia has given me, but let me just say I have the credibility of a Popcrave admin. If Popcrave died tonight I could get it up and running by 8am the next morning. Is that a positive or negative thing in terms of credibility? I will just have to leave that up to the reader.

PSA: If I come across as judgmental, please just know I am not this judgmental out loud. And lastly If I drag your favorite artist I just want the best for them.

What do you have to say about the evolution of the Grammys and where they stand today?

I love award shows. I love any show in general. I think that television is wonderful and historical. But award shows are even more wonderful and even more historical. The Grammy is the award that everyone loves to pretend they don’t care about. It’s common knowledge that in recent years winning a Grammy is less credible than it used to be. However it doesn’t mean that these artists don’t want Grammys. Even artists that self proclaim they couldn’t care less about a Grammy, started their Grammy campaign six months ago. It’s uber important that artists are awarded for their art. However these days there are other ways to be awarded. You may win Record of the Year, but if 8 year olds are doing whippets to your Grammy award winning song in an In-N-Out parking lot… What is it that you have won? Nowadays, if you win a Grammy it means a specific genre of person voted for you. And sometimes, we don’t want that genre of person voting for us.

From your industry insider perspective, what does the red carpet mean and what do you like to see?

It’s not lost on any music industry professional that if you look a mess on the carpet you barely deserve to win your award. A real artist looks good on the red carpet (I’m sorry). An even realer artist looks terrible on it. (See Lana Del Rey in her Dillard’s gown)

More than half of these artists know they won’t win. They come for the carpet… and still show up the way many of them do. I give credit and look forward to the artists who show up as if they are at the VMAS. Gaga I’m looking at you. It’s a music industry exec’s dream for you to be on the red carpet going viral. We expect artists to serve not just looks but also personality while being screamed at by dozens of paparazzi. Even if the personality in question is rather… well… let’s just learn from Chappel Roan.

In terms of fashion I’ll offer the below phrases since this is not my expertise:

• Miley Cyrus— why did you tell your custom Alaia to stay home tonight?

• Addison Rae— Thank you for telling your custom Alaia everything that Miley Cyrus didn’t

• Benson Boone— I expect the queerbaiting to carry over to the red carpet please

• Sombr— You watched Velvet Goldmine without your contacts in

• Tyla— I love your Pony

• Flo— Oh this Destiny’s Child cosplay.

• Olivia Dean— OMGGG A BLACK AND WHITE GOWN!!!!!!

• Sabrina— You can keep playing in Marilyn’s closet but please don’t touch Sharon Tate’s.

Please give us your predictions for who should win the main four categories and why.

RECORD OF THE YEAR

Should win: Lady Gaga: “Abracadabra”

Will win: Rosé & Bruno Mars: “Apt.” or Kendrick Lamar & SZA: “Luther”

Let me be the one of the millions to say that Lady Gaga did something incredible with “Abracadabra”. Let me be one of the more controversial to say that I am waiting for her to do something incredible again. In my opinion Mayhem fell flat, but if anything deserves an award it’s this song right here. “Abracadabra” is a gentle reminder that we can all summon our 20 year old self once again. “The girl I used to be is still the girl inside of me” - (Addison Rae)

SONG OF THE YEAR

Should Win: Kendrick Lamar & SZA: “Luther”

Will Win: Sabrina Carpenter: “Manchild” or Rosé & Bruno Mars: “Apt.”

Song of the year is a songwriter award, which means that Rosé isn’t taking it home in this category even if APT wins (she’s probably credited). If you’re a fan of Kendrick, you probably know that he swept almost all of his categories last year at the Grammy’s for “Not Like Us”. If you’re a fan of Drakes, you probably are on your way home from a planet fitness prepping to black on out on an excessive wing stop order after a hit of your delta-10 weed pen. (I actually don’t have anything against Drake) but I do love the song “Luther”. I would rather listen to it than “Manchild”, although I adore Sabrina Carpenter. It just wasn’t her “Espresso”— that’s not to say that you need an “Espresso” to win song of the year, but you definitely don’t need a “Manchild”. Amy Allen you’re amazing though girl.

BEST NEW ARTIST

Should win: Addison Rae

Will Win: Olivia Dean or Leon Thomas

I’m going to take advice from Beyoncé and go with less is more for my explanation here. No, I don’t think Beyoncé ever said that but I do think she believes in it. I won’t be mad if Olivia Dean or Leon Thomas win this award. Actually I feel as though so many people nominated this year actually deserve to win this award. Sombr has been huge for people showing up to their first period with hickeys, and Katseye has left a lasting impression on everyone, including GAP marketing execs looking for something to go with a high-paced, brightly saturated 40 second ad spot. I’ll leave you with a question no better said than Swiftologist (I may be paraphrasing)

“If Addison Rae is not the best new artist, then why do you hold her to a higher standard than the rest of the nominees?”

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Should win: Bad Bunny: Debí Tirar Más Fotos

Will Win: Lady Gaga: Mayhem or Kendrick Lamar: GNX

As for Mayhem— I’m not mad at my favorite artists winning album of the year for an album that isn’t considered their best (please see Beyoncé winning for Cowboy Carter). However Mayhem isn’t just not her best. It’s also not the best on the ballot. The only thing this album should win for is its aptly given title. Mayhem is certainly abounding.

In 2018 I got pulled over and sent to court whilst listening to “Krippy Kush” by Bad Bunny. I was only going 12 over then, but at least I was ahead of something. Although I didn’t personally love this record, I’m scared for your algorithm if you haven’t caught wind of at least SOME of the controversies this album has caused in its wake. This is the only album that’s come close to any sort of cultural zeitgeist in a list of albums that are rather unimpressive. If you’re paying attention to Bad Bunny’s choice to not tour in the USA, or Trump’s advisors remark regarding a promise to send ICE agents to his Super Bowl performance, you’d know that the Recording Academy has an amazing opportunity tonight that we all know they won’t take.

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I hope you all enjoyed that insight as much as I did.

Coffee Order is going to donate 100% of it’s paid subscription revenue to the crisis in Minnesota from now until February 20th. A subscription to Coffee Order is $5/month or $2.50 if you have an .edu email. That’s less than a high protein steak cup from Chipotle ($6.80), a Coffee on Coffee Order ($10), and a two pack of paper towels ($7).