'Gatherer Girlies' and the female instinct to never not shop
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A day has not gone by without me online shopping in potentially years.
It doesn’t always end up in a purchase—and in fact only does probably less than 10% of the time—but I feel the constant need to acquire new clothes, and am almost never satisfied with my wardrobe unless it’s in the hours after buying something I was really excited about.
This also manifests itself in the forms of purchasing a little treat from my bodega despite having a multitude of snacks at home, popping into a store on my lunch break, merely discussing the things I want with my coworkers or friends, and, most importantly, the hours of my life that I’ve spent watching TikToks or haul videos on YouTube of things other people have gotten, things that I don’t have but absolutely need after seeing them.
One of my favorite parts of the female experience is bonding over shopping, what we want, and things we’ve seen that we absolutely love, or gossiping over things we hate. Whether it’s my roommates and I alerting one another on which sample sales we hear are coming up, my coworkers showing me a new store in our neighborhood during lunch, or merely asking a girl in the bathroom of a bar where she got her top, there’s an unspoken bond between girls who like to shop.
However, there’s a constant feeling of guilt and financial anxiety that consumes my body whenever I spend. I work hard, I save money, and I feel as though sometimes, especially as a lover and follower of fashion, I deserve to treat myself sometimes to a reasonably-priced item for my closet. But, even if I’ve made and brought my own lunch all week, drank the office coffee instead of buying lattes, and haven’t had to pay any bills or rent, I still have a never ending feeling of existential dread after a purchase, even though it’s the least I can do to reward myself.
Upon discussion with my fellow female shopaholics, we’ve labeled this as just another example of female guilt we all often feel. And upon even further discussion, we’re wondering why we’re meant to feel bad about something that’s purely instinctual?
Over 10,000 years ago, civilization was divided into hunters and gatherers, everyday the men were sent out to hunt meat and animal skin for food and clothes, whereas the women were sent to accumulate berries and herbs and other things in a less violent, more collectable matter. As in, men were sent out to bloody themselves for nourishment, and women were meant to gather for the household or community.
Why are we feeling bad about something that’s embedded into our natural, animalistic instincts, and has been for the history of civilization? If it wasn’t a useful trait, evolution would’ve weeded this one out like they did the wisdom teeth or the appendix.
I’m done feeling guilty about my naturalistic female instinct to gather for my home, and I’m hereby proclaiming my community of modern gatherers as Gatherer Girlies, which is quite frankly, a community I’m proud to be a part of.
You can always count on a Gatherer Girly (trademark pending?) to have taste, to know who the hottest designers are, who the influencers are you need to keep up with, and what we need to be buying for the next season. Want to know if hair bows are in for summer? Ask your Gatherer Girly coworker. Want to know if we’re still going to be wearing cargo pants this fall? Ask your Gatherer Girly roommate. Want to know if the floor length Amish denim skirt will last through the summer in the trend cycle? Ask your Gatherer Girly best friend.
I can see how this conversation may come across as internalized misogyny or something negative about women, but I mean it in the complete opposite capacity. I want to empower women to lean into their neanderthalian instincts and to ditch the shopping guilt. We’re born to shop, bread to collect, and I think we should all lean into that. Women are made to feel guilty about far too many things, so taking one off the list is the least we deserve.
This is a summer of responsible, financially mindful gathering. I won’t feel badly about myself if I want a Sandy Liang collaboration Salomon just because. Or a Brandy Melville Tee that’s more crisp than an October day. Or a casual trip to the Ludlow Flea or Reformation Vintage so I can see what’s new. I also won’t be too hard on myself about never feeling good about my clothes or always being jealous of what a Matilda (Djerf) or a Devon (Lee Carlson) has that I don’t. It’s rooted in my DNA to always want and always long for what I don’t have.
Coffee Order is a safe space for Gatherer Girlies. I will never not post about things I want to buy, and my most toxic trait is that when asked if someone should get something, my answer is never not yes. I always am supportive of a gal getting her bag and spending it responsibly on the thing she wants.
Gatherer girlies, it’s time to rise up!
Send this to the Gatherer Girly in your life.