God save Pete Davidson
What else would I write for my first post?
I decided to start Coffee Order because after finishing my tenure as Editor-in-Chief of my college’s fashion publication, The Manor, I feel slightly purposeless.
It’s been about 48 hours since my last student media meeting, and I still have one meeting left, however I want to continue to spew out opinions and commentary on the world around me like I’m getting paid to do so. Even though that also ended.
I’ll be posting on here twice during the work week and once on Sundays, the Coffee Order’s extra special Sunday Hangover edition, where simply nothing is more special despite the fact that it’s on Sunday.
What better way of kicking this little project of mine off than discussing one of my favorite people on planet earth, Pete Davidson.
If you have a social life more vibrant than the sun itself or a significant other, number one, kudos to you, but number two, can’t relate. So, what do I fill my time with? What do I get out of bed for? To rise another day and witness the absolute shit-storm that is Kanye West’s tirade against his ex-wife Kim Kardashian (never will I attach West to that so long as I live).
As a 21-year-old girl, I can’t necessarily sit on my soap box and tell anyone how to handle a breakup well. Let alone a divorce at the utmost level of public viewing. But something I can advise on, is to not make a music video depicting the brutalization of your ex-wife’s new boyfriend.
Part of the motivation to start this newsletter was to save my poor, sweet roommates from having to hear what I think about these simply meaningless topics. As I still expect and will be forcing them to subscribe to this, at least it’s in a more professional matter.
That being said, something I said to my roommate, Alex, was that the best thing for Kim Kardashian right now is a ripe 28-year-old SNL star, straight out of the heart of the East Coast, Staten Island.
I would equate the way that the media discusses Davidson’s dating history very similar to the way they discuss that of my heart and soul, Taylor Swift. However, as I will be forcing my Gen-X and even Baby Boomer relatives to subscribe to this, I’ll give a brief rundown. We start with my personal favorite author and daughter of Larry David, Cazzie David, to then traverse into the true spotlight with an engagement to pop princess, and North Broward Prep alum (shoutout once again to Alex) Ariana Grande. Here’s where it get’s messy, but just know that Kaia Gerber, Margaret Qualley, and Kate Beckinsale are all in there. These names probably mean nothing to the population I’m explaining this for.
After KK hosted SNL back in October 2021, the internet broke when her and Davidson locked lips during a sketch, us who care thinking it was nothing more than an iconic scene from her first stint as host (I say first because I’m sure there’s many more to come).
Little did we know the magic that was about to ensue. If you don’t know, just google it, but here’s a picture to describe.
Fast forward to this week, when the OG-Kardashian sister trio and their matriarch Kris Jenner graced the cover of Variety to discuss their new Hulu endeavor. They asked KK whether or not her new boyfriend would be featured in the show, she replied basically “maybe.”
MAYBE? MAY. BE. MAYBE!!!!! Holy smokes you guys. While we didn’t hear a resounding yes, the fact that Kris Jenner didn’t get the claws out and but the kibosh on that question before the Variety reporter could even finish is a great sign. A beautiful sign. A sign that we should take and sprint straight to the stars with as a guarantee that we may see Pete Davidson himself sitting at a ginormous kitchen island, eating an even more ginormous salad.
What I meant to Alex when I cornered her in our kitchen while she was making dinner and word-vomited my opinions about this saga into the ether was that there is nothing better for 41-year-old billionaire superstar Kim Kardashian, than to get involved with Pete Davidson.
Kanye West is no walk in the park. I’m sure that no news is being broken by saying that. From running for president, to saying slavery was a choice on live television, to going on Twitter tirades often at the expense of those closest to him such as the queen North West (his daughter with Kim, dad), I can’t exactly say for sure what marriage to him was like, but I feel safe assuming.
As I mentioned before, my relationship advice stems from the high school and college experience, hopefully to be a blip in the radar on the grand scheme of my life. However, if I learned anything from sitting on the sidelines of dating culture from the ages of 14-21, it’s the art of the rebound.
Rebounding, if done in a healthy way, is truly a great method of getting back on the saddle and back into the dating world. Coming out of the old and into the new, an old High School Musical proverb, is a good a feeling as any.
Kim Kardashian deserves a rebound. Kim Kardashian deserves a fling. Kim Kardashian deserves Pete Davidson.
After nearly ten years of getting papped crying in cars, having to whip out her notes app and write an apology on behalf of her ex-husband, and far too many MAGA hat-centered outfits for her to deal with, Kim Kardashian deserves to waltz her way into a Staten Island Italian restaurant and have a good laugh.
Thus I say, God bless Pete Davidson. God bless Pete for bringing one of the most successful women in the world a bit of teenage-esque glee. May they have a long, happy life together, visiting McDonald’s in the wee hours of the night, wearing matching SKIMS pajamas in broad daylight, and acting as the absolute antithesis of one another.
Alas, we’ve reached the end of your first Coffee Order. If you love me, you’ll send this link to your friends for them to also subscribe. I’m watching!
I felt like I just read all my own thoughts
the staten island feature. i feel seen: