I’m coming to terms with the end of a long term relationship in my life. A 10+ year love, dedication, and investment into Brandy Melville.
I remember the day it sent shockwaves in my middle school. We were in the eighth grade, and some girls, who had no idea the impact they were about to have, arrived to school wearing graphic muscle tee’s featuring moon phases, the words “Stay Weird” upside down, and various bands that we had no business supporting as we had no clue who The Clash were.
Ever since then, my wardrobe staples have never lacked Brandy. All through high school, college, and into my adult life, I’ve turned to them for the most perfect white tee, super soft basics, sweaters, pajamas, and even sometimes a semi-real top I can wear out.
I try to pay a visit to my local Brandy Melville every few weeks, picking up a few new things for under $100 that I need refreshed. It’s like going to Trader Joe’s for me. There’s one near my hometown, and there are two within a 30 minute radius of my apartment, so I’m no stranger to digging through endless one-size-fits-all stacks.
Last weekend, I was home for President’s Day, and decided I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and go shopping at the Brandy Melville that started it all for me. I knew they had just launched pajama pants, and was due for a refresh on long sleeves for the winter (not really).
When I arrived, I instantly filled my pile with things to try on, from multiple colors of the new pajama pants, to blouses, sweaters, you name it. This isn’t something I would normally do at Brandy, but considering I’m trying to be a bit more spend conscious, I wanted to make sure everything looked good before buying and inevitably having to return for just store credit.
And thank God I did.
After waiting in a line ran by a 17-year-old, I was standing in a fitting room barely held together by what I think are bedsheets (?), faced with a harsh realization. These clothes weren’t fitting me anymore.
The shirts were too tight across my back onto my shoulders, the pants were ultra low-rise and up to my mid-shin, and sweaters that I thought would hit at the hip were serving belly button in an unwanted way.
Brandy Melville, for those of you unfamiliar, has been subject to immense controversy since its conception for being “one size fits all”, catering only to the small end of the spectrum, with some select oversized styles. Of course, not everything has always fit me. I don’t think a single one of their tailored pants or cargos could fit over my hips, but I do love their sweatpants and consider them an integral part of my closet.
As I moved through each piece in that structurally unsound fitting room, I was full of dread. It’s a feeling most girls can relate to, no matter your personal levels of self consciousness. It’s simply not fun to try things on that don’t fit. Especially at a place that meant so much for so long.
I know it sounds silly, but Brandy Melville served itself as a true pillar for me. Part of the reason why I felt so defeated was because I felt…directionless. Where would I shop now? Where would I get the perfect white tank top for $18? Who do I turn to now?
The fact of the matter is that I probably should’ve stopped shopping at Brandy Melville upon college graduation, maybe even a little earlier. I was a member of the club that preached how amazing the basics were and that’s why I still bought those there, but in reality, it’s time for me to put my big girl pants on, and invest in quality clothing elsewhere. Nothing says “I’m a woman” like someone asking you where your shirt is from, and you say “Uniqlo”.
So what did I do after what I look back on now as such a pivotal moment? I handed all six pieces back into the arms of the teen waiting for me without a single word, and marched across the street to J.Crew. An extremely chic woman, who I could approximate to be in her 50’s, instantly greeted me with poise, assistance, and true insight into dressing like a real person.
Although I left J.Crew empty handed, it felt like I was metamorphosing. I was leaving behind the old mindset, and moving into a brighter future ahead, even if it didn’t seem like it in the moment.
Do the Olsen Twins wear Brandy Melville? Maybe, but I wouldn’t put money on it. Does Zoë Kravitz even know that Brandy Melville is a store and not a person? Probably not. Has Dakota Johnson ever experienced not being able to find the same shirt twice (because as my dear coworker likes to say, Brandy Melville tank tops are like snowflakes, no two are the same)? I’m also going to go with no.
While I move forward, I’m still going to hold the pieces I currently have close to my chest, until they get yellow in the armpits or riddled with holes. I still have band tees from when I was 14 that I can’t picture parting ways with. I’m sure I’ll find my way back into a Brandy Melville, but for now, I’m going to treat each walk-past like seeing a bad ex boyfriend—with grace, integrity, and pretending like I don’t see it.
The next installment of Teenage Woman will be out next Tuesday. Stay tuned for Teenage Woman: doing big girl things by yourself | #2.